I had a dream that I was drowning in a sea of deep darkness. Kicking and screaming trying to swim to the surface where I could vaguely see a light above the deep. The more I kicked the deeper I’d sank. I was naked and the water was cold. I fought myself tired. I felt powerless and vulnerable—because I was mad at God, I wouldn’t call out to Him to save me so I made an unimaginable decision to give in. I closed my eyes and invited death.
I didn’t want to fight anymore and I closed my eyes and exhaled waiting for the dark waters to fill my lungs, but something strange happened next. When I exhaled and took a deep breath back in, I discovered that I could breathe underneath. Water filled my lungs and I could breathe it back out. God whispered in the deep. “I was waiting on you to do that. Stretch out your arms to Me,” He softly spoke. I did. I reached out my arms and began to float up to the surface of the sea and light invaded the sea of darkness.
“The Spirit lifted me up and took me away. I went in bitterness and turmoil, But the Lord’s hold on me was strong.”
–Ezekiel 3:14 (NLT)
God is remarkably wondrous and incredibly wise in all of His doing. When I finally gave up and realized that it was impossible to save my own life, He stepped in and showed me that He had equipped me with all the necessary tools I’d need to survive even when I thought I couldn’t. I was never alone, just making too much noise to hear His instructions on what to do next.
It’s crazy that even in our rebellion, He is still our life-Guard—our Life Line. The enemy tries to trick us into thinking we’re alone, but that couldn’t be farthest from the truth. I just went through the worst season of my life and He was right there with me the entire time despite the fact that I blamed Him and cut off communication with Him and everyone else. As I began to harden my heart, I granted the devil access to torment me and he did so for months and as a result, I wanted to die.
The devil’s true intent is to hold us captive—a slave to sin and drenched in fear. He works overtime to keep us detracted in hopes we’ll be retracted back into our old ways. He works after-hours to depress us in hopes to distress us. My repression stopped my progression to a dead halt, just like the devil intended.
What a trickster, this guy. However, this is what I’ve discovered, though…If the enemy was working this hard to kill me, what is he afraid of me accomplishing? What is he tryna stop me from fulfilling? Why is he going out of his way this time to distract me from my purpose? It must be something significant on the other side of this that will undoubtedly leave a lasting impression on everyone who is involved. .
“Mind over matter,” is not just a saying that sounds good. It is truly, indeed, the mind that controls what’s the matter with us. The enemy had me thinking there’s no escape route. I allowed him to put me in a place of defeat, but it was a lie. I should’ve casted down every imagination as the Bible strongly suggests, but I let the thoughts linger..
I cut everyone out and isolated myself. I couldn’t trust anybody. I unwittingly allowed satan to whispers lies in my ear that the ones that God put in my life, really hated me and was out to get me. Evil is cunning and invisible to the naked eye. It has an intellectual makeup and is highly persuasive. You can go as far to say it’s seductive and it’s pulling away from God is so strong, you want it and it knows it. It makes promises to you that you can have it all and all will want to have you. There’s this constant pursuit to destroy us at all cost.
Oh, but we serve a God Who loves stepping in our situations and fighting our battles for us. Looking back, I see where the attack began. Regardless, of who or what the devil used to cause suffering, he was unsuccessful in drowning me.
I am not forsaken. Jesus, the One Who freed me, goes before me, preparing every way in my path—always.