“I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. The Lord hath chastened me sore: but he hath not given me over unto death.“ ~Psalm 118:17-18
Invading Thoughts Of Suicide
These thoughts are not my own;
Neither is my life to take.
To Him, it all belongs;
Whose heart I often break.
Now, I feel so numb;
How could I be so dumb?
How did things go wrong?
These thoughts, they don’t belong.
I know I must hang on;
I know I must be strong.
And, if I can’t resist;
Lord, save me from the abyss.
I can’t let the devil win;
I don’t know how he got in.
My soul, You must defend;
Or, this could be my end.
I know I mustn’t cave;
I know I must be brave.
But, my thoughts are in a haze;
My mind is in a daze.
Lord, show me another way;
Any way up out this maze.
My life, Lord, You must save;
The darkness won’t behave.
This can’t be how it ends;
Lord, on You I must depend.
I need You on my side;
A renewed mind, You must provide.
If I am to survive;
These invading thoughts of suicide.
Copy righted material ©2018 Talisha Walton
(I’ve been there—hence the poem)
Let me explain…
The hardest thing you’ll ever have to do is save yourself, from yourself when you hate yourself. The reason I say this is because it’s so hard to live when all you want to do is die. It literally hurts to breathe. Those who have never contemplated suicide will never understand this because you won’t ever really know how the suicidal person truly feels unless you’ve been there.
There are so many cliché sayings in response from others regarding suicide. “You have so much to live for”, they say. “Death is not the answer”, they will even say. But, there is one, though, in particular that really gets under my skin, and it goes as follows: “Don’t make a permanent decision to a temporary problem”.
Let me tell you why…
The reason this one irks me so much is because it’s the one that hits the hardest. Don’t you think if the suicidal person truly believed the problem was only temporary, they’d make such a permanent decision?
It’s starting to make sense to you, huh? Hopefully… The mind knows it’s wrong, but the brokenness you feel inside is so strong and you’ll do anything to eliminate that pain. God is faithful. Believe and hold on…
“Death has no leverage over those who are brought to life by Love. God is Love. I am in Love and Love is in me. I am in Christ and it is Christ Who gives me life—I will live and not die.” —Talisha L. Walton
To you, suicidal one…There is a way out. It’s okay to want to give up. You aren’t alone because there is faith. You aren’t alone because there is hope. You aren’t alone because there is Love.
Trust in God. He is Love and Love—loves you.
*Listings below, courtesy of Katie R. Dale on WordPress at BipolarBrave.com:
Crisis Text Line – crisistextline.org – text CONNECT to 741741
Text trained counselors anything that’s on your mind, 24/7, confidential, nationwide
National Hopeline Network (800) SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-TALK (8255) Veterans Crisis Line – Select Option 1
National Youth Crisis Hotline (800) 442-HOPE (4673)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline (800) 950-6264