There’s this unusual occurrence that takes place far off into the distance of the firmament. It tricks the eyes into believing it sees something spectacular, but isn’t really as it seems. It’s only a mirage. This false perception is called a fata morgana. I experienced this phenomenon once when my aunt Renita and I were on our way to a lake in Louisiana. I was only a teenager at the time, lying down in the back seat of her gold Camaro. The sky was a crystal blue and the reflection of that lake appeared horizontal on the horizon—upside down. I was struck by such a rare sight that wasn’t even real. It only appeared to be so. It’s more than what meets the eye.
Imagine living a lifestyle that’s similar. People see you one way, and that’s how they expect you to remain. Things have changed in my life and in this changing, so have I. I’m fully aware that there’s a higher calling on my life. I’d be a fool to believe that the enemy hasn’t taken notice as he jumps at every opportunity to do whatever it takes to stop me from fulfilling it. At first, his attempts were simply to distract me. When that didn’t work, he proceeded on in full force to destroy me. The more he runs me down, the more I want to run. It’s exhausting and I’m tired. My victory these days is getting out of bed in the morning and holding it together throughout the day without falling apart.
Indeed, I’ve fallen somehow. Every time I try to get up, the earth quakes beneath me in an attempt to keep me down. Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago am I afraid of what could happen to me if my next choice led me outside of the will of God, in which I responded, “I’m not afraid, I’m terrified.” I’ve been wandering around in the dark. “It’s just a trick of the light,” is the lie that I’ve been telling myself. I can’t help but feel like if I let up, then I’ll be let down. I ask myself how did I get here, but what I know for certain is there’s a reason for everything. I honestly wish I knew the reason.
Who’s around to encourage the one who always does the encouraging? Aforementioned, in so many words, everything I’ve given out has caused me to want to give in. I’m holding on for dear life because although there’s a burning in my hurt, I still have a burning in my heart—for God. Whether or not I leave or if I decide to stay, He’s gonna love me anyway. I know that He is for me and will never abandon me. I will depend on this promise until the world stops spinning.